Only Her Gardener Knows For Sure – Opinions From E. Curtis Johnson

Remember the Miss Clairol commercials? “Does she, or doesn’t she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.” The commercial claimed you couldn’t tell the difference between a dye job and natural hair color.Spraying lawns green, that have turned brown from lack of water, is a growing trend in draught stricken areas.

One of my neighbors sprayed their lawn green and it looks as fake as GLH spray-on hair from Ronco. I’ve seen artificial grass that looks great, but I’ve never seen a toupee that didn’t look like a - toupee. Whether it’s my lawn or the top of my head, I’m fine with natural roots…or the lack there of, since I’m bald and my lawn died. I’m saying no to Miss Clairol and lawn paint. “Only her gardener knows for sure,” doesn’t sound right. Society accepts women dying their hair and wearing wigs.

I’m E. Curtis Johnson. Since lawns are traditionally male territory, I’m invoking, “The Guy Code.” If water’s scarce, lawns may d-i-e, but they may not be, d-y-e-d. However, since no one d-i-e-d and left me in charge, do whatever you want.