Off To The Races – Opinions From E. Curtis Johnson

Dogs love me! Horses hate me! I think horses are beautiful, even though they bite and kick me. I’ve thought occasionally that the only good horse comes from a cat food can or glue bottle. Needless to day, I did NOT watch the Kentucky derby.

As a new twist on an old theme, Mint julep Jell-O shots were all the rage this year at the derby. Jell-O shots are for people who want to spend more time getting drunk and less time urinating. Watching TV sitcoms is way to kill brain cells without urinating at all, but I digress.

Jell-O shots are often associated with frat parties. Serving them at the crème de la crème of horse culture confuses me. Maybe NASCAR will serve martinis at Talladega?

My name is E. Curtis Johnson. Cleaning out the stables would be the perfect job for me at a horse track. I can understand and deal with shovels full of horse-pucky. Comprehending the combination of hoity-toity Southern culture and underage drinking treats…not so much.